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2013-05-04 22:11:09 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

Any leads anyone?

You all rawk!

2013-04-16 09:54:38 (4 comments, 0 reshares, 13 +1s)

Without knowing yet what it is; I'll find it one day... find it and laugh to myself, calmly, "Of course."

Dumb-ass, that was the story you were trying to live/tell all along.

2013-04-16 09:23:15 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

The last few days here with my Bodhisattvas... have been amazing; How do I return to living in a van after lolling about a villa for 3 days?

The only way you can do it is with some calm in your heart, a smile on your face despite adversity... appreciation for the, actually, wonderful things you have which others may not have the benefit of.

The only way to face the next day is with intent.  I do not want to leave this place but I must... and if it's to be a good day, a good week, a good month or year...

...well it's up to me to make it so, right? 

G'night... rest well and, when you have a moment, appreciate those little things you have, share what little you can, even if it's just a moment of goodwill in a public forum.

Always, no matter how little you have... appreciate those things you DO have.

Someone has less... we go onl... more »

2013-04-13 21:46:10 (4 comments, 1 reshares, 3 +1s)

I've been away a long while... and the future is still a bit uncertain, however;

I've had it in my head, given usage of my friend's more updated computer, of doing a HANGOUT (I capitolized it to get your attention) to open a forum on my experiences being homeless (now living in a vehicle) and, luckily, still employed.

Would you hang out? Would you be willing to spread word, get people to tune in?  There are some personal and relevant social issues it seems would be ripe for an awesome evening of conversation.

Having been away for so long, would anyone be willing to advise me on the best means for doing a larger-scale hangout forum and maybe give me some pointers? (Never having done a hangout before.)

There's been a lot of discovery on this path and, laying awake in my van last night, waiting to fall asleep... I went through some ideas that I... more »

2013-03-27 05:10:31 (4 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

A great benefit for a wonderful soul... please feel free to re-share in our effort to help support Dana's surviving sons and to honor a woman who made a difference:

2013-03-04 12:14:43 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 5 +1s)

My favorite quotes (and some blank stares) from the last month or so:

1.
(Conversing about playing pool in the back of a car at 1am on our way home...)
Me:  "I wanna play pool!"
Ems:  "Are you good?"
Me:  "Not really... but I win sometimes... mostly it's just fun."
Ems:  "My boyfriend's a total shark!"

Nee:  "Shark?  Like... The... ocean?

Me & Ems: blink blink


2.
(At work, closing... after looking at my reflection on the front of the microwave)
Me: "This black eye just won't go away!"

Cls & Rel: (almost simultaneously)  "Did you just say something about a black guy?"


3.
(At work, stocking almond milk [almonds are nuts])
Bc: "Yer not working nuts tonight?"
Me: Naw... tired,dude..... more »

2013-03-02 11:38:42 (4 comments, 3 reshares, 11 +1s)

I have many new friends, especially those at work, who have never seen my art so; I promised I would share some of these images again.

My dream is that I find a home soon so that I can continue... my life is, has been, incomplete since I have been in San Francisco... since the last time I felt the pull of a brush, laden with paint, as I drag it across a canvas.

Feel free to share the images, save them, do whatever you want with them... feel free to inspire and encourage me to paint again.

I miss it.

2013-03-02 10:39:07 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

+Neil Gaiman  originally shared this (on my feed at least) and I had to follow his lead and re-share it... as an artist, as an empathetic person; this was so, immensely, indescribably inspirational for me tonight.

As a "fan", an appreciative reader of Gaiman's work I have to say, "Thank you, Neil."

As a human and (again) as an artist, who understands what it is to work for free, to work for friends, family, and fans who have supported me every step of the way over the last decade... this struck home so succinctly.

Watch it; it's one of the best TED TALKS I've watched in a couple of years. Watch it especially if you're struggling with anything... absolutely anything in your life.

Again... thanks, Neil.

2013-03-01 10:29:07 (10 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

Cool?  Comments?

2013-02-28 11:46:01 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

I once had a friend who introduced me to this song; "This is how your soul sounds to me."

2013-02-28 11:40:45 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 0 +1s)

‎... 'til your singing eyes and fingers, drew me loving in to your eyes.
... now my broken boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks.
...oh my heart, my heart shies from the sorrow...

2013-02-24 12:18:01 (0 comments, 3 reshares, 4 +1s)

I wish this didn't hit home as hard as it does... everyone in the world should watch this.

2013-02-17 23:15:04 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

"We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it." - Tennessee Williams

2013-01-31 22:16:49 (4 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

Wow... everything just hit me at once, mostly the assault. I called in to the county support line on the advice of a friend and got a really good counselor who helped me take some deep breaths, talk it out, and let me know that my panic/vulnerability was perfectly normal... even the anger. I was worried that taking time off work was putting my job in danger and she convinced me to call in to check rather than sit and worry over an unknown.

My boss was/is so awesome and was also very understanding... nothing to panic about. It meant a lot to me that someone who barely knows me was that understanding.

This is the third time I've been assaulted and for the last 2 days I was thinking, "wow... I'm actually dealing with this pretty well." I had friends come and visit/nurse me... Then today, BAM! It hit me harder than either of the times before.

This isn't a... more »

2013-01-29 11:50:08 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 3 +1s)

My name is Malakai

2013-01-29 10:32:49 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

I can't find my phone... 
can't really find much of anything right now!  W00t!

2013-01-29 10:26:29 (11 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

I've got this Grrrrrrreat idea!

When you've decided things are gonna get better and nothing can keep you down...

...try not to get mugged/knocked unconscious on your happy way home.

Chin up, motherfuckers... chin up. Can't get any worse NOW can it?

(Post Script:  Now that I made it home I realize my jacket and phone and possibly other things are missing... the phone is the least favorable thing to lose... 

I don't remember much at all... I remember them laughing... I remember (I think) hanging out with Cricket beforehand... I definitely remember waking my roommate to let me in because I had no jacket or keys.

You know what?

F

M

L


Just kill me already?

2013-01-27 14:16:40 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 5 +1s)

Soo... 'pernt'ly mah bookface link din't werk an' shit.

Here's thuh "b'cause" crap I was wondr'in if ya'd leik.

2013-01-27 13:43:32 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

BECAUSE!


I don't care how much you hate facebook; It'd be nice if you checked out all the becauses...

...and I hope you like them.

https://www.facebook.com/aaronmalakai

2013-01-27 12:36:46 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 10 +1s)

Happy "should have been" 68th birthday, mom... 
Has it been 17, 18, or 19 years now since we last saw each other in this world? I forget. ...and it doesn't matter; after all this time I can still close my eyes and feel your fingers entwined with mine as we hold hands, still (barely) hear your voice... I'd kill to hear your laugh.

You had the gams and the attitude, lady... even made the schoolboys in my classes turn their heads at every school.

You were an awesome mom. 

I hope, one day, to do you proud, Patricia.

I miss you so.

(Post Script:  I love this picture... mom is hassled, frazzled & I'm being my true dork-self with eyes slammed shut.  We were always arm-in-arm though... always.)

2013-01-27 12:07:24 (0 comments, 4 reshares, 0 +1s)

So the February home seems to be up-in-the-air (likely a no-go)... no idea. Looks like it may be residential hotel time again.

On the PLUS side... I've decided, no matter where I am for Feb, I'm opening up consignments: nothing huge... pieces from $50-$500 only since that's the only thing I can manage until I land a permanent place (and will finish up on what consignments I already have.)

If you're interested, get in touch with me a.s.a.p. so I can get the materials ready and start this month. Win win.

Also, if you know of any place under $500 to stay for even just Feb in San Francisco proper, let me know.

2013-01-12 03:43:18 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 18 +1s)

I did this once... it's a watercolor... really.

2013-01-11 10:27:29 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

Id: Panicpanicpanicpanic

SuperEgo: It has a point... this is not good situation; you've worked tirelessly and deserve grander things.

(little voice): mumblemumblemumble

Ego: ...

Id: Panicpanicpanic... also drink and masturbate!

Ego: ummmmmm... I keep hearing a fourth little voice.

SuperEgo/Id: Ignore it and panic, want more need more... pine away from unreached deservedness and need!  You're a god, you're a dick... you deserve something more!

Id: But masturbate and drink first... then off yourself.  Priorities and all.

(little voice): It seems like we should panic... but look at all this support you keep getting... from friends, family, perfect strangers; people fighting to help you in this time of distress... through all these times of distress... those are good things... keep moving forward, thel... more »

2013-01-09 13:06:58 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 8 +1s)

also a simple thing back then... now again

2013-01-09 13:05:15 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 3 +1s)

a simple thing back then...

2013-01-09 11:01:13 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

Seriously... amuse me.  I know, I know... I'm that needy cousin that comes around once a year demanding to be entertained; if you remember correctly... I'm good at entertaining too nudge nudge wink wink

2013-01-09 10:47:39 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 0 +1s)

Need amusement... hmmmm.

2013-01-09 09:22:47 (4 comments, 2 reshares, 3 +1s)

I have 10 words for you... you may want to write them down:

2013-01-05 13:30:40 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 8 +1s)

Also... 'night cuddles are awesomesauce.

2013-01-05 13:09:31 (8 comments, 0 reshares, 13 +1s)

I move into a new place tomorrow... it's enough of a shock, enough of a change from the transient, itinerant life I've become accustomed to that I have a hard time believing it myself.

7 months into moving back to San Francisco I thought I'd still be looking for a job, not a home... and to qualify that; having landed a job of my own the home was, I thought, to come very shortly after.

No.  The housing market is horrible here in The City.

It's my last night with Blue and John... my last night couch-surfing (at least until after April (with the hope of renewal if things work out.  The person I'm moving in with is chill, has great friends... the place is great--if a bit of a climb--overlooking the Castro and Noe Valley.

For a few months, as of now, I have a safe place to call home... a door to MY OWN ROOM to close or leave open at will... ... more »

2012-12-30 12:09:01 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

Some people get angry at an unfortunate situation... some do not.
Some people make rash decisions in the moment... some do not.
Some people grasp, some people push
Some people take everything personally... some do not.
Some are grateful, some not
Some are joyful or tearful at the drop of a hat...
Some are not.

Most live somewhere between all those states in any given situation...
Those same "most" are those I'm proud to stand amongst... 

Just to geek it up a bit:

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it..."
-BtVS

Post script:
Damn it, now I have to watch the Buffy musical again!

2012-12-30 11:35:27 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

More stories to come BUT:

Thank you, everyone, for all your support and encouragement.
Not quite out of the woods just yet but there's a beauty of a clearing and more hope than I've felt in quite a while.

In the interim, there are too many to list here so I will just have to give you my thanks personally this week.

Humbled is an appropriate word to use, I think, when considering feelings toward all the help offered over the last few months and when considering the manner in which all those puzzle pieces fit into place.

You are ALL amazing people, giving people, and caring people.

Thank you.

2012-12-28 12:17:02 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

Please don't remind me of my failures...
I have not
forgotten them.

http://vimeo.com/4094994

2012-12-28 12:16:14 (2 comments, 1 reshares, 3 +1s)

In the depths of wat'ry darkness; in a dead-time hour
It seems impossible, implausible, that any surface can be breached
Surrounded by unmaking, no light to lead you toward a breath...

Scramble, thrash... if you're to drown do it with teeth bared and arms flailing.
Thrash!
If you're to live, break the surface in a magnificent way.
Thrash and scream and gasp that vital, wonderful air.

If you're to die
Don't go calmly...

There'll be time enough for stillness in the grave.

2012-12-27 20:37:20 (0 comments, 8 reshares, 0 +1s)

Would anyone (or anyone you know) IN (due to night-shift hours and public transportation) San Francisco, be willing to board a human (me) and an 18 year old cat for $150-$200 a week? I can offer additional money toward food as well and will clean/cook.

Please?

(edit: I usually don't get out of work until 1-2am so Caltrain/BART really won't work for getting home.)

Thank you.

2012-12-22 14:08:18 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 8 +1s)

Also... I'm pretty pissed there were no zombies today.  I wanted to fight zombies. #mayansSAYjayKAY  

2012-12-22 14:07:06 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 1 +1s)

We've all had those new-year resolution bugs and, at this point in life, it's all too easy to greet them all with an eye-roll (outright or, worse yet, internally) upon their confession (especially toward one's self... "oh yeah, that'll last.")

I'll quit smoking, I'll eat better, I'll say the word "exercise" without feeling the need to wash my mouth out with wine and chocolate."

The important things (I think?) in the face of those external and internal "oh-yeah-right!" responses are:

a) acknowledging that there is an action--a step toward something... a step away from something--that one feels would help make life better; for themselves and/or for others. (It's always AND)

...as well as

b) taking that initial leap beyond realizing that same-said idea and running with it as far as... more »

2012-12-14 12:47:10 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

Succinct. 

2012-12-14 12:44:35 (14 comments, 0 reshares, 6 +1s)

Being homeless; I feel compelled to ask:
What's your excuse for bitching today?

2012-11-16 11:37:17 (1 comments, 1 reshares, 0 +1s)

NOVEMBER 20th 2012
TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBERANCE

#trans #transgender #transday #transgender #transgenderday   #transgenderdayofremembrance  

I have (and seem to always have had) a great many friends in various places, stages, and growth who are Trans. I've ALWAYS felt connected to and have been surrounded by these wonderful twin+-spirit people.

Remember that you are not who you thought you would be... your ...
life is not exactly what you or anyone else imagined.

It ain't all fluffy clouds, unicorns, rainbows, and shit... but sometimes those do make some pretty spectacular accoutrement.

Here's my addition to the stream:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_roles_in_First_Nations_and_Native_American_tribes

Originally I'd wanted to tag some friends on this, but; there are a great many people happilyl... more »

2012-10-27 08:51:53 (4 comments, 0 reshares, 6 +1s)

plussocalypse begins.

All it took was a tragedy... a friend and brief tryst murdered this week.  Took the day off (best thing I could do.. spending time with prince Oisín (Oah-sheen) and princess Saoirse (SeurSh-euh))

But time to get back...

Script ready to post fir the pilot... just need some guest artists and feedback on this rough.

2012-10-20 10:49:05 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 5 +1s)

What's that you ask?  Malakai has not one, nor two... but FOUR days off AAAAAAAAAAAAAND The Walking Dead comics on lend via 'Rich' numbering COMPENDIUM ONE to THIRTEEN?!

Yes... this deserved all your capslock belong to us.

Tomorrow = costume shopping AND making (sewing, stitching, painting, gluing) for tomorrow night's costumed shindig (I promise, I will allow people to take pics for the sake of posterity.)

Sunday may include some more hangin' out in SF to sweat/sleep out the antics of Saturday night (depending on the weather.)

Monday/Tuesday... haven't figured those days out yet but it they will likely include aforementioned graphic novels and some home-made sangria in the healthy Pacifica air while I continue the search for a happy abode.

Post Script,

Received some news today which was emotionally upsetting... more »

2012-10-05 21:58:32 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 8 +1s)

At the behest of my dear friend, +Alvin Stearns and several others; here's a brief (?) update for you all.  Again, I hope soon to be back online and interacting more regularly as well as once again producing art.

So...

After the most horrible experience of staying with the Ogre Family upon first arriving to San Francisco, I moved on to house-sit a week for my friend Shaggy which was a wonderful respite... afterward I house-sat for my. sometimes more-than, dear friend at "The Treehouse" above Dolores Park... heaven.  After that?  It was a long and wonderful stint with my two dearest boys +John Flanagan and +blue murphy.

And then??

A friend at work gave me a lead to a low-income studio rather close to work... after picking up the application I decided to move into a residential hotel for a week or two while I worked on the app and waited for it tobe... more »

2012-09-28 09:08:27 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

I move into the SRO tomorrow... door directly across the hall from my friend/workmate Nicholas (Landlord: Thees your friend? I love theese guy; no noise, no trouble, I show you room!)

I'll admit to a wee bit of welling in the eyes as I walked into the boys' apartment this evening and thought, "This is the last time I'll be coming here to stay."  They have been the kindest, most patient, most loving-sans face-punches and thrown remotes-(all in play)--and supportive friends.

+blue murphy  & +John Flanagan  you are dear, true friends.  I love ya and look forward to drinking more of your booze as a guest rather than a... a guest who stays a very, very long time.

Aaaaanyway.  Will do some quiet packing tonight (Maybe... don't want to wake the kids) but...

Life is good... one foot on the ground finally, the next will land shortlyafter... more »

2012-09-27 20:14:29 (0 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

Today I'll be leaving early before work to check out an SRO... if all goes well I'll be moving in tomorrow for a week or two while I wait for a response to my application for a more permanent studio close to work.

Kind of jittery-excited. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

2012-09-21 07:34:24 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 0 +1s)

Thought I was absent before?

Gone until I have a home.

betelumineux@gmail.com
813 445 1877 (txt)

...
Aside from that...

Gone until I have a home.

2012-09-17 13:35:25 (1 comments, 1 reshares, 7 +1s)

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I made a mental note of this fact.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he, also, had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the wait & bus staff and had spoons in their pockets. 

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Hey, why the spoon in your shirt pocket?"

Well, he explained, the restaurants owners hired Food Service Industry #consultants  to revamp all our internal processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. They reasoned in their Report that if our personnel wereb... more »

2012-09-17 13:19:54 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 4 +1s)

A message I had to massively use codewords for in order to post to Facebook after 14 unsuccessful attempts.

Things that make you go, hmmmmm...


*Oh, and by the way, book-face... while I appreciate you as a tool for keeping in touch with family and friends, I loathe your method of reducing your bandwidth costs by randomly designating WHO gets to see your posts in their threads.

Maintaining this profile on book-face was a decision because not enough of my friends and family transitioned to theothersocialnetwork... and I wanted to stay in touch.

Now, in order to stay connected to the people whose lives I care about, I can't just log in and read... most of their content isn't in the feed of "most recent" you allow me to select every time I log on... now I have to go through EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S "wall/profile" to ensure that the... more »

2012-09-17 11:31:15 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 2 +1s)

Life and the work-day...

So after a nice late-night/early-morning date last night I knew it was gonna be a doozy of a work day the minute we pulled up to TJ's and the was a block-long line of cars just waiting to get into the parking lot.

Early on, stocking shelves, I had this massive panic attack... everything just closed in on me; not having a home yet, not being able to spend time with dear friends because of my schedule, a $3k medical bill from General, thinking I saw my ex husband last night, turning 40 in 5 months, still being single at 40 in five months.

And then I took a moment at my register... my friend/workmate at the register behind me said she felt like she was going to pass out.  I listened and watched and realized the evening at work was generally stressing EVERYONE... it was 9pm and our frozen delivery hadn't arrived yet meaning we were all gonna be... more »

2012-09-14 09:12:44 (0 comments, 1 reshares, 3 +1s)

By JAULIN-BERGE Thomas