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2013-05-15 20:33:26 (4 comments, 0 reshares, 33 +1s)

Boating For Landlubbers

I felt my stream needed some colour.

That's not a reference to anything urological in case you're wondering.

This was taken in Abingdon-on-Thames (as it's now known) on Monday. Earlier this year the area was very flooded (that'll be that Thames I'll warrant) and if I had to guess I'd say that this particular boat didn't quite make it back to the river when the waters subsided.

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And there's a #NauticalWednesday theme so I'll tag that.

2013-05-15 17:53:25 (6 comments, 0 reshares, 37 +1s)

Starbucks Coffee

Times are hard if you're a large chain of coffee shops still facing a bit of public backlash over tax avoidance. Do you just wait it all out, relying on the media to find something new to get their teeth into and the laziness and short memory of the average consumer? Or do you try something to entice the customers back from Costa? Do you, perhaps, provide free front row seats to the latest sport sweeping the nation: Giant Street Skittles? Do you hope that the lure of big names from boules crossing over into the high stakes street sport world will bring in the coffee-lovers in sufficient numbers to offset compensating families for the inevitable skittles-related fatalities?

No, you wait it out, of course.

For #WindowWednesday curated by +Cheryl Cooper +Jason Kowing +J.J. Bentley +Jules Falk Hunter 

2013-05-12 09:52:10 (7 comments, 0 reshares, 39 +1s)

A Better World Is Possible

I'm always looking for ways to improve the world - sure, not everyone approves of my eugenics experiments and the way I recently tampered with the planet's grasses in an attempt to bioengineer flame-resistant cattle (I still firmly believe that ordering steak "well done" is one of the leading causes of unrest on Earth) - so I was immensely pleased to stumble upon a demonstration taking place in Manchester last weekend where it seemed they shared my ambitions.

I tried to determine just how it was that they were planning to improve things but couldn't spot a mad-scientist-looking individual amongst the throng. Eventually, though, I did see a gentleman holding up what appeared to be step one in the group's masterplan. I stopped him.

"Throw the tories out?" I asked him. "Interesting. Interesting. And then... more »

2013-05-01 21:55:34 (6 comments, 0 reshares, 65 +1s)

Queue

"Is this the queue for Iron Man 3?"

"I... Sorry? What?"

"Iron Man 3. Robert Downey Jr reprising his role as Tony Stark in a mechanical suit. Sequel to Iron Man and its follow-up, Iron Man 2. Iron Man 3."

"You're joking, right?"

"About what?"

"About this being the queue for Iron Man 3."

"No. Why?"

"A queue by the side of the road?"

"Yes."

"A couple of benches and us lot sitting here in the sun?"

"It's not that unusual."

"I think you'll find it is."

"I was only asking."

"What's going on George?"

"This lady here wanted to know if this was the queue for Iron Man 3."... more »

2013-04-25 21:21:34 (5 comments, 0 reshares, 63 +1s)

The Barber Shop Window

"And what can I do for you today, sir?"

"Just a little off the back and sides, and thin it out a bit, please."

"Certainly."

snip... snip...

"Lovely weather we're having."

"Mmmm, yes."

snip... snip...

"Going on holiday this year?"

"No, probably not."

"Understandable. The economy's still in a bit of a mess, isn't it?"

"You said it."

snip... snip...

"Okay then, that looks about right to me... any gel or wax on it?"

"Er, yes. Gel please."

"Gel it is."

"Ooh! That's cold!"

"Well, the testicles are very sensitive, sir."

"You're... more »

2013-04-16 19:09:09 (9 comments, 1 reshares, 57 +1s)

Ask Me A Question

As the sign says: ask me a question.

I might even answer.

And the answer might contain some elements of truth.

But I wouldn't necessarily count on it.

2013-04-13 12:39:19 (11 comments, 3 reshares, 57 +1s)

Free House

Free house? Tom stopped dead in his tracks. It was an enticing offer. Obviously, he already had a house - the one he shared with Linda, his wife of forty years - but who couldn't use a second one? Maybe he could get around to getting one of those mistresses he'd read about and setting her up in it. Or, naturally, he could always sell the building and use the proceeds on a sports car; that was something he didn't already have.

No, no, he thought to himself. I've come out for some stationery and that's all I'm going back with. And Tom resumed his slow shuffle towards the bus stop to wait for the number 84.

Behind the windows of the building two figures glanced at one another with looks of mild frustration on their faces. The taller of the two ran his fingers through the ice cubes floating on the surface of the water in the bathtub; his... more »

2013-04-06 10:10:59 (3 comments, 2 reshares, 62 +1s)

A Warning From History

You've probably never heard of the Great Cutlery War if you're not an actual piece of cutlery, and even if you were a piece of cutlery with a Google+ account you may still never have heard of it as it was a dark period in the items' history; many knives and forks will still not mention this bloody period to their little teaspoons and sporks to this day.

You can imagine, therefore, that it took a great many meetings with lots of unsettling negotiating to finally get permission and funding for a memorial to this awful event and I was pleased to be there at the unveiling yesterday. The choice of sculpture - a reconstruction of the execution of paper cup traitors who sided with the plastic cutlery against the silverware in the Battle of Chichester Train Station - did not meet with everyone's approval, being seen as grisly by some or simply... more »

2013-03-27 20:22:41 (11 comments, 2 reshares, 70 +1s)

Questions

"Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions?"

"That depends; are they about hats?"

"Hats? Oh, ha ha! No, no, nothing like that."

"Well that's good. I don't really know much about hats."

"No, these are questions about..."

"My wife, on the other hand, is quite knowledgeable where it comes to headwear. It's quite odd, really. I'm not sure why she knows the things she knows."

"Hmmm, that is odd, but, anyway, these questions aren't about hats at all."

"Then again, she has an irrational hatred of Peruvians - she considers them a deceptive bunch and it ires her immensely - and your hat looks like it's from that region."

"I see."

"She'd probably get quite... more »

2013-03-11 20:06:56 (5 comments, 0 reshares, 80 +1s)

Love Me?

"Will you still love me when I'm bald?"

"Of course. I don't love you for your hair."

"And will you still love me when I put on weight?"

"Even more than now as there will be more of you!"

"And will you still love me when I'm a giant slug who walks around in a t-shirt and no trousers in a blizzard?"

"Absolutely!"

And she did.

2013-03-06 03:22:02 (14 comments, 1 reshares, 69 +1s)

Market Stall

"I see you're interested in my pickled onions."

"I wasn't even looking at them! How dare you! Anyway, what do you expect when you're sitting like that? Oh! You mean the ones in the jar? Oh! Ha ha! You cheeky monkey!"

"Not quite, but... we've got some eggs left and we're down to the last few jars of lemon curd and preserves. Anything take your fancy? Other than my pickled onions, of course."

"Hee hee! You are a one! No, no, what I'm really looking for is fresh cantaloupe."

"Melons?"

"They're tucked beneath my jacket where you can't see them! See! Two can play at that game! But yes, cantaloupe melons. I'm making a cake for my niece and she does love cantaloupe melons on top."

"That's... quite bizarre. No,... more »

2013-02-27 21:01:18 (6 comments, 2 reshares, 66 +1s)

Balancing Act

There comes a point in every bicyclist's life when he, she, or it discovers the singular joy that is keeping the bike as still as possible, standing on the pedals, and trying to keep balanced whilst wind, the dizzying force of the Earth's rotation, or butterflies alighting on shoulders do their utmost to assist gravity in sending the vehicle's owner crashing to the ground.

That point in life is usually around the age of seven or eight and it forms part of that area of growing up that involves trying to beat friends and impress people of the opposite or same or no sex.

Occasionally, though - just occasionally - this joy of balancing comes late in life to a cyclist. But just because it happens at an older age those desires to outdo friends or colleagues or show off aren't necessarily suppressed by wisdom. It happened today to this man and... more »

2013-02-20 21:55:27 (10 comments, 3 reshares, 69 +1s)

DC Superheroes

Not to be confused with superheroes from American publications, the District of Chichester has its own motley collection of do-gooders battling the scourge of the south coast on a daily basis, and yesterday was try out day.

Most attendees didn't make the cut, of course, but the session did end well for a successful trio so I'd like to introduce the world to - and warn any potential supervillains about - Chichester's newest defenders of truth, liberty, and the West Sussex way of life:

Cumulus - With a cloud on his head and the ability to control water vapour, Cumulus is the man you need when a kettle is in danger of boiling over. Or if you're locked in a sauna.

Boa Constrictor - Scaly skin (the result of a refusal to help prop up the cosmetics industry and buy moisturiser) and unblinking eyes (maybe; difficult to tell really... more »

2013-02-14 21:39:24 (6 comments, 1 reshares, 75 +1s)

No Valentine

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle, I really am. I... I just can't do this anymore."

"On Valentine's day? Please tell me this is a horrible joke Michael!"

"I can't. I wish I could but..."

"Is it me? Is it me being pushy?"

"It's not that, no."

"Just because I'm wearing a wedding dress... it's a joke, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't have to be like this!"

"I said it's not that. Can't we just leave it at that? Part ways as, well, maybe not friends, but just, you know, part?"

"Is it because I'm a mannequin? You said it didn't matter!"

"It doesn't! And it's not that. I told you I had a crush on Kim Cattrall in the movie Mannequin. You were - you are my Kim... more »

2013-02-11 19:57:17 (19 comments, 2 reshares, 87 +1s)

Warm Inside

Condensation-formingly warm inside.

Outside - which is where I was as you can possibly tell - it was colder than a witch's tit.

My gloves: they do nothing to keep the feeling in the tips of my fingers!

2013-04-13 17:19:56 (6 comments, 1 reshares, 72 +1s)

Street Hypnotist

"Look deep into my eyes... Feel yourself getting... Are you looking up my nostrils?"

"I'm very sorry; it's just that you're quite tall."

"Perhaps you're quite short! Ever think of that?"

"I have done on many occasions, thank you. Are you here to hypnotise me or insult me?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm new to street hypnotism and a little nervous and, yes, that's no excuse for rudeness. Sorry. Again."

"That's okay. Why don't you have another go?"

"Thank you. Right... Look deep into my eyes..."

"I am looking deep into your eyes."

"Please... don't repeat what I'm saying."

"Is that one of those hypnotic commands because I have to say... more »

2013-02-07 22:23:30 (3 comments, 1 reshares, 73 +1s)

President Putin's Present

In a wonderfully warm ceremony - a great counterpoint to the cold weather - Chichester was today twinned with Moscow. Vladimir Putin could not attend as he was busy posing topless for Judo Fishermen On Horses Quarterly (Russia's top-selling magazine dealing exclusively with fishermen who like both wearing pyjamas and the feel of a stallion between their thighs). However, to impress the importance of this bond between the two great cities the Russian President did send along an old woman with a headscarf as a gift of friendship. This will be a welcome addition to Chichester's existing collection of old women in odd headwear. President Putin, thank you.

2013-02-04 18:37:47 (5 comments, 1 reshares, 51 +1s)

Fetch

A weekend of late nights and lots of drinking - a housewarming party in Basingstoke on Saturday and then Super Bowl last night - and I'm not as young as I used to be thanks to this stupid reality we live in. Shakes fist at linear time.

Fortunately, there's nothing better for clearing the cobwebs than having a day off work and a walk along a windswept beach in February. So that's what we did. Just me, my wife, and Frederick Jackson-Jones, our gull. We've raised Frederick Jackson-Jones from an egg; it was a duck egg but you know me and my tinkering with genetic material. Just can't stop meddling. Frederick Jackson-Jones can be a bit of a miserable pet at home in the Gull Cavern but once he's had his manacles removed and is allowed to fly free he's a different creature altogether. His favourite activity is catching lumps of coal that we throw for... more »

2013-02-03 14:24:50 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 52 +1s)

Shadow

What curry, vast quantities of chocolate, range of cakes, wines, and local microbrewery real ales lurk in the joint birthday and housewarming party venue frequented last night in Basingstoke? The Shadow knows!

2013-01-29 19:59:44 (8 comments, 0 reshares, 49 +1s)

It Must Be Love

Unrelated to the photo, but I thought I'd share something that happened today. It's because I'm a sharer.

In addition to the job-stress-relief that comes from whipping the camera out I had a duty to perform this lunchtime; we have a housewarming/birthday to attend this weekend in Basingstoke which necessitated a brief stop in Hotel Chocolat to pick up some goodies.

I was accompanied by my colleague. He's male just like me (in case you've never caught on). This will become important. I picked up some gift chocolates for the weekend and some chocolates for personal consumption too (because it's the law) and then proceeded to pay for them at the till. A very friendly woman attended and offered the pair of us some fruit-filled, white chocolate hearts to let melt on our tongues while we waited for the card reader to read my card.... more »

2013-01-28 19:48:04 (7 comments, 0 reshares, 59 +1s)

Love Books?

Dorothy does. She's so pleased with her new purchase she feels the need to text her friend Mary back at the office.

"I've picked up a new book." Dorothy doesn't go in for all that text-speak nonsense.

"GR8 WOT?" comes the reply. Mary doesn't share Dorothy's stance on sending messages using full words. Or correctly-spelt ones. And her phone needs a firmware update to fix an annoying issue that only permits uppercase characters.

"50 Shades of Grey..." is the reply from Dorothy. She glances nervously at the bag in which her book is located and then around her to ensure nobody has seen over her shoulder at the phone's small screen. There's a man with a camera on the bench over the road but it seems unlikely he'd be able to get a decent shot of her from there.

A trill from the... more »

2013-01-27 15:41:37 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 11 +1s)

Wonders of Life starts tonight on the BBC so I thought I'd share this little chat I had with the scientific wonder that is Professor Brian Cox during a break in filming in Borneo.

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2013-01-26 13:38:02 (13 comments, 0 reshares, 72 +1s)

Rejoice

Thanks to Colchester Camera Repair Service (http://camera-repair.co.uk/ - autostarting video, grumble, grumble) I have got my Canon 5D Mark II back. For around £230 inclusive of VAT that got me a replacement shutter unit fitted as well as a full clean of sensor, mirror, etc. and delivery via UPS.

I would have got my camera back last week had the snow not caused chaos (I can't really complain about that, though, as it got me a day off work). I would have got my camera back early this week had UPS not forgotten to put it on their van when they went out for delivery (which kinda makes a mockery of the whole tracking service if the website says it's out for delivery but it later transpires it's still in the warehouse). And I would have got my camera back the next day had I been in when they tried to deliver but I wasn't and had to rearrange delivery to my... more »

2013-01-14 20:36:37 (14 comments, 1 reshares, 86 +1s)

Under Cover

I dunno. You wait ages for a photograph and then two come along at once.

It was snowing this morning on the way to work. As this is England that meant I had plenty of time to observe its prettiness as I sat there inching along in the traffic jam that had suddenly formed because absolutely nobody in this country appears to know what to do when snowflakes turn up on the scene.

It was lovely looking at the inch or so of snow that formed along the side of the dual carriageway, and the boughs of the trees looked truly beautiful. I was genuinely looking forward to getting out at lunch and take some shots.

Did I mention this is England? Well, this is England. The snow had gone and rain had replaced it all within a few hours. Arse.

2013-01-14 20:14:41 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 52 +1s)

Confusion

I still don't have my camera back from the repairers but +urszula masilela was apparently missing me, so since I've been taking my old 350D out at lunchtimes (with very varying levels of success) here's something to fill the gap...

They looked one way up the street, then the other, then back again. He looked up one street, she looked down another. They glanced up and down. Brows were furrowed. And then I caught their eyes.

"Problem?" I asked.

"All these leopards!" the man tutted. He resumed looking confused and I decided to join him in that state.

"Leopards?" I asked. I made a mental note to stop asking one-word questions.

The woman shook her head in irritation as a rivulet of water ran down her temple and cheek. The man grunted and pointed into the sky and then at the ground. He... more »

2012-12-27 22:26:25 (9 comments, 0 reshares, 6 +1s)

Err 30

Posting will be light on the ground until such time as my 5D Mk II makes a trip to an authorised repair centre (when they reopen after the New Year) and gets its shutter unit replaced. Unfortunately, the dreaded Err 30 message has made an unwelcome appearance and no attempt at any of the "fixes" found online will rectify the situation. I will keep checking out your photos, though.

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2012-12-26 11:58:27 (8 comments, 0 reshares, 62 +1s)

The Pie Piper

Once upon a time, in the city of Chichester which sat in West Sussex not far from the Hampshire border, there was a plague. It was not a plague such as where you might find your neighbours coughing up blood and falling down dead in the street, oh no! This was a plague of the feathered variety; pigeons, to be precise.

Pigeons were everywhere. On the ground, in the trees, in the buildings, even in people's homes. And the people of Chichester were not best pleased.

"We are not best pleased," they agreed at a meeting to decide how to deal with the pigeons but that was all they could initially agree upon. Some people suggested eating the pigeons but others argued that to do so would be to eat everything that the pigeons ate too and this quite turned a number of stomachs present. Some people suggested shooting the pigeons but guns and bows and... more »

2012-12-21 13:04:01 (5 comments, 0 reshares, 78 +1s)

Composition

Sometimes when I'm shooting I pay very particular attention to the composition of the shot. Is there a diagonal I can get into the frame somehow (I do so like a nice diagonal)? Can I get a colour match or clash between foreground and background objects? If I take this shot will I get arrested? That sort of thing.

I say sometimes. I mean practically never of course. I'm just not that thoughtful when it comes to photography. This picture is a case in point: did I line up the shot so that the pavement ran from one corner to the other? Like hell I did! Did I notice that the umbrella colours matched the tiles on the road and the advertising board in the rear? You bet your sweet ass I didn't give it a second's thought! Did I wonder if the old woman would hear my shutter firing, turn around, attempt to strike me with the tip of her brolly, force me to defend... more »

2012-12-12 21:46:30 (5 comments, 1 reshares, 69 +1s)

Smart Lunch

There's an art in picking out lunch. It's got to be tasty, not too filling that the afternoon becomes a struggle, not too little that time until home seems to slow just to spite your grumbling stomach.

There's luck in finding a place away from the crowds to eat. Somewhere that you won't attract the birds, somewhere that you won't get bumped by the bustlers, and fate is smiling on you.

And there's being smart. You make yourself a small target, you hunch over a little bit, you position yourself so you're not easy to reach, and you realise that you can't be looking everywhere at once so you get out your smartphone and keep an eye on it while you eat. And relax. Because now you're safe.

He's trying to look innocent as he sidles up behind you but the Sarnie Thief is being monitored and he's in for a 200... more »

2012-12-11 20:23:06 (4 comments, 1 reshares, 55 +1s)

Moments To Live

He shouldn't have stopped.

He shouldn't have let the adrenalin cascade through his system; the pounding, pounding, pounding in his ears that muffled the sounds around him and left him so much more isolated.

He shouldn't have started sweating but no amount of willpower could prevent it.

He should have kept moving calmly, breathing normally, looking straight ahead, and just, simply got out of there but he did none of those things.

Their nostrils picked up the scent. Some animal sixth sense detected the wrongness nearby. And one-by-one they turned towards the centre, stalking, circling, hunting the prey fixed with fear.

He didn't stand a chance.

2012-12-02 21:43:22 (6 comments, 0 reshares, 50 +1s)

The Snow Queen

I tried the natural shot but didn't like it. I tried black and white and didn't like it either. She's the Snow Queen - well, she's a woman in white on stilts walking around Abingdon but let's not quibble over semantics - and she demanded something a little high key. And you always do what a woman demands of you. If I've learnt one thing in life then it's that.

2012-11-29 22:02:08 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 49 +1s)

A Battle Of Wits

"What you do not smell is called iocane powder," I told the two ruffians spoiling for a fight over some perceived slight. "It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in hamburger meat, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man."

I turned my back to the two and slipped the toxic stuff into the fast food I was concealing, then offered them up for perusal. "The battle of wits has begun," I continued. "It ends when you decide and we all eat, and find out who is right... and who is dead."

"I'll 'ave that one," said the shorter of the men quickly, pointing at the bun nearest him with a grimace.

"Has that got cheese on it?" asked his friend pointing at one of the remaining items of food. "I'm allergic to cheese."

"You're trying to... more »

2012-11-28 20:33:18 (13 comments, 1 reshares, 64 +1s)

The Thames Tunnel Ballerina

This week I and my wife popped up to that there London town for a couple of days break in order to take in a bit of culture. Monday started with a trip to the Victoria and Albert museum and culminated in a fantastic few hours at the O2 Arena where we caught the better-than-expected Marilyn Manson and unbelievably-incredible Rob Zombie in concert. We like to bridge all ends of the cultural spectrum.

Tuesday then saw us wander around Greenwich where we looked over the Royal Observatory and the Cutty Sark and ventured in to see the Ansel Adams exhibition (I went in not really liking Adams' work and left with the same opinion; it's okay, it's just not really me). We also visited the William Klein and Daido Moriyama street photography exhibition at the Tate Modern; now that was much more to my liking and highly recommended.

And one... more »

2012-11-25 02:18:50 (10 comments, 2 reshares, 75 +1s)

Bait

It is a sad sign of the economically gloomy times in which we live when you can't even leave old people on the bench while you're out shopping without the risk of some desperate or just plain nasty person nicking them and selling them on for food, drink, or drugs. The West Sussex police force in  Chichester, at least, are trying to stamp down on the high levels of "geriatric-nabbing" by using bait pensioners.

Each pensioner is fitted with a tracking device worn under the second cardigan beneath the vest below the third shirt level of clothing; this makes it difficult - and quite gruesome - to locate. Additionally, the pensioner can be controlled remotely to pee itself, swing its walking sticks threateningly, and ramble on about young people, bloody foreigners, and a confusing array of wars in which it fought.

West Sussex police are using bait... more »

2012-11-21 20:45:42 (2 comments, 0 reshares, 53 +1s)

Behind The Glass

It was cold outside. Through the glass, though, you could see the warmth on every surface. There was no bitter wind soaking deep into the bones in there. The glass kept the cold out; it kept me out. The glass enticed with promises of comfort. It tempted me.

But I'm naturally suspicious.

Something... something was wrong with the scene. I shivered and stared, left to right, back to front and back again. The door at the side of the building was open. I watched as people approached from the street and entered. They entered just like people would. They bought things; some then left, some stayed and ate. It looked safe. It couldn't be more normal but I had that itch at the back of my skull.

I didn't dare go in. I let the cold and my paranoia consume me and eventually I walked on by leaving everything inviting behind the glass.... more »

2012-11-19 23:03:33 (5 comments, 2 reshares, 56 +1s)

The City Zoo

They can serve a useful purpose especially where endangered species are concerned and there's a successful mating programme in operation but zoos are tainted with sadness. Do you ever see truly happy-looking inhabitants? No, you're far more likely to see an exhibition of depression, the beasts trapped behind iron or glass, locked into repeating the same motions day in, day out.

2012-11-18 22:33:10 (7 comments, 1 reshares, 46 +1s)

Showing Pink

"Excuse me ladies!" I shouted, causing the pair of them to turn around. "You're showing pink!" I helpfully added, pointing just below their midriff areas with a smile on my face.

They looked embarrassed which hadn't been my intention. As a keen follower of style I feel it's my duty to impart any advice wherever and whenever I think it's required and right then I felt that these two were in need of a handy heads-up about their joint fashion faux pas.

The embarrassment, however, was followed by some flustered checking of one another's nether regions, synchronised confusion, and then anger. I too was getting the first tingling sensation of confusion at this point. What was it they weren't understanding?

The ladies approached me swiftly. They're after some clarification or are going to thank me, I... more »

2012-11-14 20:06:48 (1 comments, 0 reshares, 39 +1s)

The Bishop's New Fountain

Times are good for the bishop of Chichester as he's forked out for a new fountain in the pond in his garden.

2012-11-13 19:51:47 (6 comments, 0 reshares, 55 +1s)

Abuse Of Power

On our return from the states our bags were over the weight allowance of the airline; luckily the airline wasn't overly bothered by this flagrant disregarding of travel rules and didn't insist on us paying for the privilege of importing cheap vodka and indulging in a Yankee Candle shopping spree.

One of the gifts brought back for myself was the Force (which, admittedly, doesn't affect the weight of suitcases overly) and it had been my intention to only use it for good. However, with today being my first day out with my camera in a long (for me) time, and with today also being grey and dull and not particularly interesting, and with a couple of passersby scoffing at my assertion that the power of the new battle station in orbit paled into insignificance next to the power of the Force, well, one thing led to another and I ended up strangling them from a... more »

2012-11-12 20:36:56 (6 comments, 0 reshares, 28 +1s)

New Choo Shoes

I still haven't picked up my camera in anger in over two weeks so I've not got anything super special to share but since it is #ShoesMonday (as curated by (deep breath) +Laura Harding +Terry Fabre +Bernd Schaefers +Paul van de Loo +Pablo Luis Gonzalez +Olga Kafka +Mee Ming Wong) I thought I'd put up a snap taken on my phone last week of the new shoes I felt obliged to purchase for my wife while in the Jimmy Choo store in Chevy Chase when in the states. I really must stop popping in there. That's twice in twelve months and it's cost me both times.

2012-11-10 20:01:27 (5 comments, 0 reshares, 26 +1s)

I'm Not Dead

Just a quick update - since I haven't in a few weeks - to say that I've returned from a short visit with relatives in the U.S. (Virginia and Maryland regions) and should return to regular(ish) posting once the jetlag wears off (two hours sleep in the last 32! Yay! Woo! Unicorns!). Sadly, it's unlikely that any of the photos from the trip will be appearing here because somebody got halfway to the airport on the first day of the holiday before realising the camera bag was still sitting on a chair in a bedroom many, many miles away; subsequently, that same somebody had to make do by borrowing another camera and a lens that couldn't communicate properly with it causing frequent mirror lock-ups and enough frustration to then resort to using his phone's camera as the main weapon. Somebody is stupid.

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2012-10-17 20:04:16 (1 comments, 1 reshares, 61 +1s)

High Screams

Maybe they knew what they were doing. They had to know. Is it possible that they simply didn't know? It seems inconceivable the more I think about it but could they have forgotten? They were old, after all.

Perhaps they saw the wafer cones, the cold white filling, the brown stem sticking out looking for all the world like chocolate and they were transported back to a more youthful time when devouring such things was common. Memories of seaside trips? Yes, perhaps.

But I think they knew. I think they'd had enough. For me, I think I'd still prefer pills and alcohol and a bed. I can respect their decision, though, even if in the moments that followed they regretted the choice they'd made. It certainly sounded like they regretted their choice.

At least I can say that I know this for certain: I won't end my days tucking into a... more »

2012-10-14 11:56:50 (7 comments, 0 reshares, 67 +1s)

A Dangerous Question

It was an old building, a theatre built in the 18th century but taken over for the evening for purposes other than performing. In the crowded, noisy room the man in the dark shirt sidled up to the blonde by the fireplace and leaned in close to her ear.

"Tongue?" he asked.

By way of reply he received a look of ice. The man edged away slightly, his eyes darting around to see if anyone had noticed. Nobody had. Conversations continued; laughter rolled across the sea of heads from one corner.

"It says here that it's a blonde, crisp ale with citrus notes," the man pressed, leaning in again. The blonde's shoulders relaxed a little and her face softened. "How about a Gobble?" he asked with a smile.

She slapped like she'd practiced slapping before. The crack across his face was loud and a few... more »

2012-10-11 16:47:37 (1 comments, 1 reshares, 62 +1s)

Wild Oats

Wild oats: some people like to sow them. Some people like to sew them and sell them on Etsy as something organic and odd. Some people like to be them. These two buskers fall into that lattermost category. It's the name under which they perform in case that's not clear. I didn't catch much in the way of their music yesterday as I spent more time listening to a jazz quartet busking one road over covering tunes from Toy Story and Star Wars; this, however, proved to be a slightly better (i.e. not ruined by pedestrians wandering through the shot) picture.

#StreetPhotography  

2012-10-10 18:48:14 (3 comments, 0 reshares, 34 +1s)

Chairs and Tables and Leaves

Oh my.

I often pass this sandwich place at lunchtime where my colleague grabs something upon which to munch; I, of course, stuff myself at my desk (it is the only proper way for a software developer to eat), dropping crumbs all over and between the keys of the keyboard, making sure that the consumption of my lunch actually takes place during what are technically working hours rather than wasting any of the time out of the office when I might possibly miss an interesting shot because I'm picking corned beef off my chin.

This isn't a particularly interesting shot but it was unusual to see it empty of diners. I liked the leaves on the floor (slightly less so when I slipped on some on the approach) and the reflections in the shop window also appealed to me. I'd have submitted it for the Window Wednesday theme but the swine are all... more »

2012-10-06 11:35:16 (7 comments, 1 reshares, 61 +1s)

Dining Outdoors

I don't see the appeal in eating a meal outside. Not ever, and especially not in October in England.

Outdoors can be very noisy. Why would anyone want to eat where it's noisy? I know it can be noisy indoors too but it's a different type of noise; there are often fewer pneumatic drills, buses rolling past, or people asking if you want to buy the Big Issue.

And it's cold outside in October in England. The sun might be out but it's a weaker sun than just a few weeks ago with less radiation getting through the increased depth of atmosphere. And the wind has an edge to it as it blows across the food and strips it of its microwaved heat. A cold meal? How dreadful!

And outdoors has insects; things that walk and slither but most often fly and either land on the food or hover in front of the face as part of an elite insect... more »

2012-09-29 14:37:29 (7 comments, 0 reshares, 46 +1s)

An Army Of One

An army marches on its stomach. It's a saying accredited to Napoleon Bonaparte who was many things - a great leader, French, an Emperor, a supporter of voting for Pedro - but not, it seems, very good at anatomy. Generally in battle an army marches on its feet; it's faster for one thing. This, certainly, was the way in which Wellington instructed his troops to move when facing Napoleon at Waterloo. The French worm-like manoeuvres were distracting at best. Whilst they did present a smaller target to riflemen the position made them susceptible to being trod on by the stiletto-wearing (don't ask; long story) Dutch-Belgian army, allies alongside Wellington's British-German forces. It was this that did for the brigades under the control of Marshal Ney at La Haye Sainte and the rest of the battle is history.


#SaturdayHistoryLesson - ... more »

2012-09-26 19:25:50 (8 comments, 2 reshares, 62 +1s)

Inspiration

This is a picture - and a story - of a man named Ray; that's him there in the centre of the shot. Ray is a helpful chap and quite bright (there's probably a pun that can be worked in there with his name but I'll skip over it). Ray's the kind of guy who stops for a strange woman when she asks if she can make use of his umbrella so that she can send a message to her friend without risk of electrocution in the rain. That strange woman is not quite as bright as Ray and doesn't realise that death is unlikely from water-soaked lithium ion phone batteries unless they happen to be in the process of falling from a block of flats towards an unprotected skull at the same time.

But Ray's bright. And Ray thinks to himself. I'm not wet, he thinks, because I'm sheltered by this umbrella. And this strange but dim woman isn't wet, he continues to... more »

2012-09-24 18:06:10 (8 comments, 2 reshares, 53 +1s)

Stylish Lady

It's always nice to see someone take a little bit of effort when getting dressed up to have a nose around town and catch up on some gossip with an old friend. There's also a lot of bravery in deciding to wear these particular clothes and sporting this particular look and I think it's to be applauded and not lambasted in any way. Everything about this style is carefully thought out and there's not a thing about it I don't like; C&H plastic bag, pink jacket, and those shoes with that hair is just wonderful.

And since her friend's wearing some pretty shoes I'll contribute this to #ShoesMonday curated by (deep breath) +Olga Kafka +Laura Harding +Terry Fabre +Mee Ming Wong +Bernd Schaefers +Paul van de Loo +Pablo Luis Gonzalez.

2012-09-20 12:03:31 (11 comments, 1 reshares, 52 +1s)

A Bit Of Brighton

Today my house is home to two workmen who are installing new windows, fascias, soffits, guttering, and a flat roof; this is day three of four days of work. My wife babysat the house for the first two days and I've got the final two days. The final two days... of TERROR! I don't like having strangers in my house. To be perfectly frank I don't like having anyone in my house.

So, to distract myself from the stomping, banging, drilling, more stomping, clanking, clanging, heavier banging, thumping, and knocking (feel free to add your own favourite onomatopoeic word here as it's probably happening too (not moo, though; that would be daft)) taking place in all the rooms I'm not hiding in here are a few photos from a short jaunt to Brighton that took place over the weekend.

Look at the pretty sea! And the seagulls! Ignore the scary men in... more »